"ah—you're one of those aren't you?"
on judgment & looking for gold
a poem, and some reflections…
1 — barrel of nails / disassociation
there’s a hallelujah in my pocket
I might use it if God really starts going off
don’t want to look like an idiot though
don’t want to associate myself with the ignorant
the hypocrites
those casters-into-hell and first-stone-throwers
who call themselves by your name
God, don’t you get tired of all the defamation?
how you held your tongue for most of 33 years on the planet
might be your greatest miracle
but your patience is mercy
and my disassociation
from the low-lifes whose company you seek
is like those fairy tales where the guilty unknowingly
pronounce their own sentence
Lord have mercy
I’d send them all away
in a barrel studded with nails pulled behind a horse
and find myself inside
if you can’t tell, the above is not me at my best. a dagger twist at the end. I’m not usually thaaat bad. I’m usually pretty nice—that’s what they tell me anyway…
it’s an odd dichotomy—at one moment, I make little of my own imperfections, and at another, I can be hypercritical of myself in a way I would never be towards a friend.
God bless you if you can’t relate.
“We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior.” Stephen Covey
being a father of four, all of them under our roof, this quote is illustrated for us every day. our youngest gets a free pass from the others, but everyone else is fair game. we of course are trying to train them to find the good in one another, to see the gold. and they are very decent and pleasant people for the most part.
and I can say for myself, when I was an older brother under the same roof with my younger brother, that I was a fault-finding twerp… sometimes… I know what it’s like to often miss the forest for the trees. but that was my loss.
looking for the gold in others is hard. looking for faults is easy.
but do you remember the last time someone gave you a compliment? or the last time someone really looked you in the face and called out the gold they saw in you?
maybe you never have. (if not, sorry. and I hope you do soon.)
the next best thing might be taking a little bowl of diamonds (compliments and kind words) and pouring them over someone else’s head. people really glow when you remind them of the true good about themselves. it gets into their skin. they shine. some of the kind words I’ve received over the years have made me want to be that person they saw even more.
but the best of all is hearing it for yourself from God.
no one can see you truly, in the way you can see yourself—every flaw laid bare and every good aspect magnified. I know my wife and kids so well, but I can’t see all of them. they existed before me and will go on after me, and I will inevitably miss some things along the way.
the vision of God over our lives is penetrating in a way that’s frankly uncomfortably vulnerable. to acknowledge being seen in toto is exposure, and our knee-jerk reaction is to cover up. this is not new.
but to consent to the vision of God over our lives, the ugly and the beautiful in ourselves, and to hear them enunciated by the tongue of God himself, this is one of our birthrights.
consider the strange wonder of the words, perhaps telling of this divine love:
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine. - Song of Songs, the beginning
I tend to think the poetry of Song of Songs is mostly a reflection of the beauty of marital love, but then, why include it in the Bible?
if you find judging others too easily—consider the barrel of nails.
if you find judging yourself too lightly or too harshly, consider sitting with the meaning of forgiveness.
and if you don’t struggle with either, bravo—please teach us your ways.
for now, much love and a brotherly hug from me.
thanks for being here. I write weekly sharing poetry, songs, musings, thoughts on creative life, and hopefully some encouragement… my first collection of poetry, Snowmelt to Roots, is available in my shop, (or on Amazon). and my music is available here.
tour info is here (with shows coming up in TN, KS & NE).
peace,
Z
raise your hand if you clicked on twerp
raise your hand if you clicked on twerp and thought it was a reflection... jk xoxo
As ever, a tangent: There's a nuance I'm struggling to articulate, but it's never occurred to me quite so clearly before that God's vision and plan for me includes both the beautiful *and* the ugly. That's not to say I've never expected hardship or struggle, but something about imperfection and ugliness has always been more directly associated with sin and disapproval or reprehension. The idea that God has ordained "ugly" to be a part of his vision for me is deceptively complex, because I often only want to focus on the idea of a Good Father giving me good gifts, but also knowing that He can do beautiful things through the ugly. I'm going to be contemplating this a bit, I think - if for no other reason than to figure out how to articulate what's nebulous in my headspace. :)