song: When It Falls Apart

contains spoilers: explaining one of my new songs + lyrics

SPOILER ALERT: if you like listening to songs tabula rasa/blank slate, as an experience with no prior knowledge, then you may want to skip this and just go listen. caveat lector…

we were camping up in the mountains, at the headwaters of the Arkansas River. Lane the kids had gone to sleep in the tent behind me, and I stayed up with the guitar, watching the fire slowly dying. the chords came, and then the melody, and it haunted me for a few weeks until I sat down with it again to see what it wanted to say.

I realized I was trying to find words to express a tragedy of betrayal and separation some friends were going through. I might have written 10 verses before feeling settled with these.

LYRICS

when it falls apart
do you remember falling in
falling into love with him?

they say that love is blind
or maybe it’s just youth
never second-guessing
you shouldn’t have to

a breaking of the faith
now you can’t tell what’s real
with a cut this deep, how could it heal?

don’t blame you for hiding
don’t blame you for lying to yourself
just to get through for a while

and it feels like someone died
but won’t leave you alone
he left you in this house, but now where is home?

you thought, maybe we’ll move cities
maybe it was just a season
a season we can leave behind

don’t blame you for hiding
don’t blame you for lying to yourself
just to get through for a while

it’s alright, it’s alright
well you can’t change what happened
but you know you’ve still got me
it’s alright, yeah it’s alright
oh baby you fell running
I’ll help you get up and keep going
it’s alright, it’s alright
it might feel like starting over
but you know you’ve still got me
it’s alright, yeah it’s alright
you know i’m here with you

when it falls apart
do you remember falling in
falling into love with him?

grainy long exposure from that evening

I’ve said it here before, but it makes sense to me that Dante assigned the deepest part of Hades to the betrayers. if a random person assaults you on the street, well, that’s no fun. they violated the tenuous bond of trust we generally have with the stranger. but how much more traumatic and disorienting when the violation of trust comes from inside the home…

I tried to write the bridge a number of times… this was the first song I started on this album, but it might have been the last I finished lyrically. I kept trying to offer consolation, but it just felt flat and strained. I only felt like the song said what it came to say when I invited the voice of God into the song—“what would you say to her?”

musically, I was joined by my friends Jesse Proctor on drums and percussion, and Nathan Culberson on some of the electrics you hear.

I hope it lands well with you, helps you feel and grieve and move through some of those experiences and emotions… or even, that you have no reason to, but enjoy it anyway...

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thanks for being here. I write weekly sharing poetry, songs, musings, thoughts on creative life, and hopefully some encouragement… send me suggestions. the poems are from my first collection of poetry, Snowmelt to Roots, which you can pick up at my shop, (or on Amazon). and my music is available here.

peace,

Z