"what's behind that?"
a meditation on anxiety, discontent & inflammation—and what to do when you feel them...
when I am on day three of sitting with a low level anxiety about something that seems just outside of my field of vision…
what’s behind that?
when I have trouble being fully excited for someone who is experiencing some success or joy in their life…
what’s behind that?
when I have nearly every reason to be content, but feel discontentment or a subtle hollowness…
what’s behind that?
thank God for the little inflammatory emotions we experience. they are no fun. but in those annoying (or worse), nagging pains, we are served a reminder: please take care of me.
here are a few things I do when I have an indicator light on in my heart/mind:
go for a walk
Nacho said that the boys were just trying to release their “weegles”. this is also true for me. listening to music on a walk can be nice, but it can also distract me from the business of getting my wiggles out. “what is behind this?” I ask God. (sometimes this question bares repeating) “why am I feeling this way?” and then I do my best to listen. (also, earth underfoot > concrete)
anxiety dump
sometimes, when the plates I’m spinning seem more numerous than my fingers, knees, etc, I do an anxiety dump®*. at the top of a blank page I’ll write “what are you anxious about?” and then I list everything I am anxious about. maybe this seems like it would enhance anxiety, but counterintuitively, for me it usually reminds me of the things on the list that I really care about. and it usually demonstrates for me that there are a lot of hangers-on that just decided to dogpile on top of my real concerns. they are unwelcome and are told that may leave. it also shows me there are some things I can do something about, and others that I can do nothing about. this too, strangely, is a comfort. you are not in control of everything. thank God.
“cast your cares”
if Jesus can say aloud, “God, my God—why have you forsaken me?” then I shall take that as a license to be at ease in voicing my complaints before the living God. no, I am not being nailed onto a couple of wooden beams… but often while on a walk, I try to weave between saying my gratefulnesses out loud, and whining/questioning/voicing my anger/frustrations. gratefulness helps me rightly position myself in the world, and moaning helps me know I am fully known. if you are not giving them to God, you will try to give them to someone else. (if you no longer believe/trust in God, then at least give him a piece of your mind—you may find you’ve really needed to tell him off… and you may strangely find comfort in doing so)
give thanks
it bears repeating. if I am preoccupied with feelings of discontent, I can usually free myself from said omphaloskepsis by cataloguing my thanks. go on about it (I dare you to give thanks for even 30 seconds)… we moderns, for all our troubles, have much to be thankful for. and it’s worth it to remind ourselves of those things, and people, for which we can give thanks.
miscellany…
honestly, lots of things can help… music is triumphantly soothing for me. reading poetry. reading the psalms. calling a friend. confessing to someone. breathing deeply a few times. taking a nap. going to sleep earlier. having my morning mate. keeping to a general routine. writing tomorrow’s “to dos” the night before. eating something. eating something good. drinking more water. doing something very very small that’s productive. sending that person a message, and releasing whether or not they’ll reply… etc.
Q: what works for you when you’re feeling anxious/low/under it/discontented/the “weegles”? would love to hear from you on anything that resonated…
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thanks for being here. a new song “Joanna” will be out 1/24 (paid subscribers will be sent an early listen on 1/23).
oh and Snowmelt to Roots is finally available on Amazon as an ebook. (worldwide) or just buy a copy from me and I’ll write you a note in it. (also worldwide)
much love,
Z
* = jk, “anxiety dump” is not a registered trademark
I deeply appreciate your invitation to “tell God off” (if that’s something needed). That’s something relatively new to me in the past year or two - learning to trust that He is safe, infinitely and perfectly so, and that He’s not gonna be thrown off by my humanness. One of my close friends refers to us (humans) as “dust people,” and one of my favorite lines in Scripture is from Psalm 103, where the psalmist makes the comforting claim: “He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.”
Life is a lot easier when we actively see ourselves as dust people, and God, obviously, as the bloke who made us, is cool with us being dust people. 🙏🏼
Lots of what your shared covers my coping methods - walks, deep breaths, listening to music, journaling. Where I am is snow-covered at the moment, so walks are especially cool (in both senses of the word). Movies can be another reset for me - your Nacho reference made me smile :) I also make pour coffee regularly, and that hands-on kind of ritual can be centering for me. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and inviting a response.