there is no best life®
1/3 [laughs ominously]
we’re so inundated with images of “living our best life”. sometimes I’m almost convinced…
for some reason our best life seems connected to a lot of things we don’t have. and beautiful people… and the beach…
but the driving idea is—our best life is somewhere, out there, waiting for us to find it and live the heck out of it.
only…
there is no best life—the best life® is a mirage.
at my most jaded, I would say that the best life®1 is purely a marketing gimmick to make turn us into fools, or enough of a fool to be parted with our money.
“I have something you need to be the best you can be…” the other side of this messaging runs something like, "must suck to suck…”
the trick with compelling ideas like this is that they contain a partial truth.
the best life® problem
the best life® idea contains in it a true problem: we all know we could do better (at life, in our health, in our work, in our relationships), and often, there are known unknowns—things we’re sure could help us get to that better state of being…
it touches on our felt insufficiency, our less than, our comparison…
the best life® solution
and the best life® idea contains a true solution: we’re all more or less persuaded that life is meant for growth in the direction of something good and worthwhile.
but the best life® concept supposes that there is some best version of the course of your life, in which you are fully satisfied in virtually all areas and domains of your mortal experience. this vision of our lives seems like the headwaters for all kinds of downstream existential dread and anxiety.
what if you miss finding your best life® job?
what if you miss meeting your best life® mate?
what if you should have gone out instead of staying in, and you would have met your best life® best friend?
what if you got pregnant in the wrong month when you could have waited and conceived your best life® kids?
if all of your life is a series of potential moments to miss a turn that will keep you headed towards your best life®, how tight are your hands on the steering wheel?
but if your best life® is an illusion that should be abandoned, what should we replace it with? yeah, that’s right…
the good life
you will never live your best life®. sorry, not sorry.
you are destined to a life filled with missed opportunities, most you didn’t even know about. like, why didn’t you invest in bitcoin in 2009? why didn’t you invest in real estate in 1910? hmmm?
but also smaller and more immediate regrets—why weren’t you kind to your mom? to your sister? why didn’t you just try fully? at work? in love? in prayer?
we mustn’t flagellate ourselves.
but what vision do we use to replace the vision of our paradise life of ease and plenty?
well, if life is health and growth through seasons of cold and warmth, the thick and thin, what might that suggest to us? what is a good life for a tree? is it not to grow up and out, stretching towards the sun?
and instead of a single best life® circuit we must follow, what if our own life can be a good one, regardless of our current starting point?
but what does it mean to be good? or to live a good life?
surely it is not merely getting pleasure and avoiding pain. and surely you can live a good life even if you aren’t beautiful, and even if you live inland…
Solomon and Aristotle and the rest have filled countless scrolls on this question… something about wisdom and the pursuit of virtue through moderation and meaningful pain and pleasure…
for now, I’ll leave you to think on it.
this is part one to a three-part meditation on ways to think about our roads ahead.
thanks for being here. I write weekly sharing poetry, songs, musings, thoughts on creative life, and hopefully some encouragement… my first collection of poetry, Snowmelt to Roots, is available in my shop, (or on Amazon). and my music is available here.
tour info is here (with shows coming up in TN, MO, KS, NE & CA).
peace,
Z
yes, this is a recurrent tongue-in-cheek bit. forgive me.
I LIKE THIS CONVERSATION and I’m excited to see where it goes. The verbiage “good life” reminds me of something Tim Mackie said while re-wording the “beatitudes” with possibly more accurate language. I.e. “The good life belongs to the poor, the powerless, the grieving ones…” Jesus seems like the forerunner in breaking down the Best Life paradigm and introducing a sort of Good Life paradigm that breaks all of the social pressures and expectations… anyways… YES. Listening along and oh, so curious.
I used to suffer from this in a pseudo-biblical propaganda Cult sort of way. Sort of still do at times because that ish is pervasive.
In my opinion — with God there is no highest or best or brightest in forms of paths. Outside of scriptural obedience or what He’s made clear—there is only today with God, acceptance of what is, receiving it all as grace aka presence and gratefulness— like you’ve partially already written about.
I love your writing, substack and otherwise 🎶🎶🎶. Obviously you’ve cultivated your soul in a way that your musings benefit those around you. Looking forward to the rest of the series! Thank you.