song: Nobody Wants to Be Poor
"envy rots the bones" + backstory
Lane, my wife, was driving. I was sitting passenger side, stewing silently in a soup of envy. I am ashamed to admit it… for me, it was the envy of owning a home. something we felt poised to be able to do in early 2020 got caught in the current and swirled away from us… “if only I had a spare hundred grand… [one year later] three hundred grand… in cash…” (heh)
thinking aspirationally isn’t wrong. working strategically and saving towards a goal like this isn’t wrong. but I found myself feeling like this hope was out of reach, and I began to doubt I could swim faster to catch up with it…
I’m not even sure I should be sharing all of this (Lane said it was fine), but I hope the vulnerability might help someone.
after a few months of feeling this new wave of emotion churning in me, I started to ask myself and ask God, “what’s behind this?” and again, to my shame, I realized that the ugly undertow I was feeling was called envy. how to escape, when it wasn’t currently in my power to change our circumstances?
I had a good pray, got all my complaining out to God, and asked for some vision… “what can I do?” on one hand, there were some ways that I could take up a greater measure of diligence in my work, and countless ways I can continue to learn and grow my own skills and abilities. and on the other hand, there was making sure my head was on straight.
Q: am I a failure of a human if I never own a home?
A: well, Jesus never owned a home. so perhaps home ownership shouldn’t be your chief measurement…
Q: if I’m working towards this goal, how can I keep my head on straight while it’s still out of reach?
A: well, what do you have in hand that’s worth being thankful for?…
and y’all, I know I’ve talked about gratitude here before, but my oh my it’s such a reorientation… even if I was the greatest waiter of all time, even if I had all the arms of Durga, I couldn’t carry all the things big and small that I have to be grateful for. so I spent some time tallying those things up and then trying to to drag my soggy body up out of the pit of envy and onto the dry land of gratitude… which is about where this song ends (albeit with its own set of images)…
give it a listen and lemme know what you think!
Q: am I the only %$#*^&*)*%^$ that has ever struggled with envy? (if “yes” please do not comment)
after spending some time with it (envy), I have realized that it’s not just a disease of the relatively worse off… to my astonishment, it’s turtles all the way up! envy transcends demographics so please hear me when I say this song isn’t aimed at anyone, but only at the human heart (chiefly my own). ENVY ROTS THE BONES is the second half of the proverb, “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” if you have a heart at peace, cherish it! there is nothing greater you could possess…
LYRICS
see the rich in their houses
gold trim around every door
bite our lips in envy
cause nobody wants to be poor
yeah, nobody wants to be poorheard the poet and his lady
are making love just to keep warm
singing “all you need is love”
but baby, nobody wants to be poor
no no, nobody wants to be poordon’t measure your wealth in money
or get caught up in the great decay
if you’re folding or stacking
I hear it all turns to dust some day
I count my riches in a different wayI can swim in the ocean
hear my babies laugh from the shore
whether you’re counting houses or love
baby, nobody wants to be poor
no, nobody wants to be poor
side note = this might be the first song I’ve ever written without an instrument. but orange we all glad Dave Williford helped me arrange the clarinet parts when the time came?
thanks for being here. I write weekly sharing poetry, songs, musings, thoughts on creative life, and hopefully some encouragement… the poems are from my first collection of poetry called Snowmelt to Roots, and you can get them at my shop, on Amazon or on B&N. and this song is from a forthcoming album called Shade of Indigo, which you can order now on vinyl here.
sleeve-hearted,
Z
oof so good