feedback

on giving and receiving the kind you're actually looking for

I’ve been working on writing new songs and poetry, and I’m happy to report I’ve received feedback from my all of beta readers! [insert celebratory/teary smile]

I always feel scared when I ask for feedback…

will they understand what I’m trying to do?

will they think it sucks?

or maybe worst of all, will they think it sucks and tell me it’s good?

so I thought I would air out some of my thinking re seeking out feedback, and hopefully you can add your thoughts as well on how to get what you really need.

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here’s the photo I sent my beta readers, with shorthand ideas for them to sprinkle as they were led:

key for tkey below

EX = expand

UNCLE = unclear/clarify

MOOD? = mood breaker?

* = love

] = unclear lines

BOOTS = inelegant / take off heavy boots

? = ?

?! = WTHZW

DS? = different section maybe?

please write as little (even nothing) as you want, or as much—these are just some ideas

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unless you are a total innovator, or a pioneer who’s turning conventions on their head, then the art you’re making probably exists in conversation with a lot of other work [people]. we are all humans. nothing is new under the sun. but if you are a completely-off-the-map innovator, the rest of this might not be for you. go amaze us, dear one!

what are the conventions / limitations

this one feels a little yuck to me, because I like to think of myself as a generative creative who wants to create something authentic to me—which is to say, not emulating someone else’s art. inimitable? yes please... but from cave paintings to the present day, some conventions hold, and we would do well to study them.

I used to think of conventions as limitations, put there to reduce us to predictable forms and reduce our creativity.

for example, there’s the convention of the pop song =

Verse 1

Chorus

Verse 2

Chorus (louder)

Bridge

Chorus (maybe Verse > Chorus if you’re feeling extra spicy)

but the more I studied poetic forms and songs from other languages, often from 100s of years ago, I realized that people have been writing 3 minute pop songs maybe since the dawn of time. John Ciardi says that a poem is in how it treats the topic. in other words, a poem isn’t only the form, but in how the form is used to communicate something in the poetic mode. it is another way to see the world.

conventions come first because they are potent instruments of communication. an artist / creative / writer / you will use the form, and adapt it to what you want to communicate.

in other words, the conventions that are at hand are not limitations, but invitations into modes of cultural communication.

if you want to turn the convention on its head, just have a reason¹ for doing it. but the limitations of the convention can actually harness and focus our creativity.

first, become something of a student of the forms you love best / that you want to work in. this will orient you in knowing the game you’re playing when you eventually reach out to someone and ask for their feedback. if you don’t know the game you’re playing, how will they?

what do you want?

as much as it pains me to say, people can’t tell you if what you made is good or not.

[breathe in… breathe out…]

however, the right person can probably tell you what it makes them feel… or if anything is getting in the way of them enjoying it… or what it makes them think about… this is valuable.

and if you know something about the shape of their ear, their likes and dislikes, you can probably help them help you better.

simply put, you need to find someone(s) who you trust, and who is for you. (if they’re not for you, then hopefully you won’t ask them, and they probably will say no when you ask.)

and then you need to be honest. be vulnerable. and communicate as clearly as you can:

what do you want from them?

you should know the answer to this question before you ask for feedback. otherwise they won’t know what to do, and you’ll be disappointed.

do you want affirmation?

then find a soft ear. find a grandma heart, a sympathetic soul. if they are weirded out by what you made (and that wasn’t your goal), then you’ll know you’re on the wrong track. and that’s valuable. but there’s nothing wrong with asking someone who you know really gets you (and the conventions of your art) have a look / listen / read. and when it does resonate with them, thank them for the honor of their attention.

do you want to know what they like?

ask them that, and prepare yourself for them to like things you didn’t expect. maybe they will like all the same things you love about it. but maybe they like something about it that you don’t like, or that you’re embarrassed about. that’s valuable. hear them. and instead, you could ask them to reflect what worked for them? what resonates? what did it make them think about? feel?

do you want to know what they don’t like?

hold it right there… this is dangerous territory. even if you are a veteran creative, with decades of work under your belt, new work is new work. it’s like new skin. if you’re not careful, and if they’re not gentle, ya might bleed a lil. and that hurts.

so if you’re really sure that what you want is negative feedback, then ask for it. but make sure it’s someone a) you trust, who gets what you’re doing, and what you’re about, b) who knows the conventions/the game you’re playing, and honestly, c) who you can trust to know what they’re talking about. if you don’t have that, then I for one would keep looking… maybe try asking—what, if anything, is getting in the way of you enjoying [fill in with a focused area for feedback]?

or, do you just want general vibe of the thing…

this can also be dangerous, but mostly because it’s less likely that you’ll get what you’re looking for. and then you go from wondering about whether your work connects with people to questioning if the signal you’re putting out into the world is even comprehensible. is this thing on?

you can certainly vibe-check something you’re working on with someone you trust, but it may not be helpful until the vibe is well-established… otherwise you’ll get something like this:

for me, feedback has mostly been cultivated along the lines of relationship, trusted friendships, and some skilled creatives who are sympathetic to my cause.

and as much as I hate to admit it, the negative feedback is generally more instructive (for me). the “BOOTS” shorthand above was probably the most helpful. and heck, if I read a negative book review and the person is complaining about something that I love and admire, then I know I’m in the right place!

thanks for reading—I’d love to know what experiences you’ve had (good, and maybe bad too?) with giving and receiving meaningful feedback.

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thanks for being here. I write weekly sharing poetry, songs, musings, thoughts on creative life, and hopefully some encouragement… my first collection of poetry, Snowmelt to Roots, is available in my shop, (or on Amazon). and my music is available here.

tour info is here (with shows coming up in CA).

peace,

Z

1. fine if this reason is intuitive, rather than rational.